So, recently, I watched this video below. I must implore you to watch the first five minutes, readers, else what I have to say will make little sense. Ready? All right, here you go:
This list is absolutely ridiculous, in particular from a writing perspective, this list makes no sense at all. Especially in light of number 18, considering the millions of “coffee shop meetings” and romance stories on fan fiction sites. No, really, you cannot visit a fanfic site without tripping over at least thirty of them. They are in fact that popular. You could (and many have - click this Amazon affiliate link to view them) write a series based around at least the idea of “cute couple meets at a coffee shop, goes on a series of dates there, and eventually has a happily ever after.” It would sell so fast and so well your head would spin.
Why am I tying this list that bans practically all types of dating to coffee shop fanfic and coffee shop romance? Because the coffee shop fanfic and romance makes it blatantly clear that the Facebook poster’s list is meant as nothing more than an attention getter - and a poor one at that.
I grant you that when I’m reading fiction of any kind, I generally like action around the coffee dates. But I see absolutely no issue with a coffee date, or a date at a fast food restaurant. Sometimes that is all both parties on the date can afford, as Miss Cooper states in the above video. This is especially true if the only restaurants in town ARE fast food joints, per her point as well.
Now, the advice on this list that is actually good is “Don’t go to a guy’s house on a first date.” That more than applies in reverse as well: Don’t go to the girl’s home on a first date. A family gathering would also make for an odd first date - unless the date was known to the family, in which case it would make perfect sense. But a date at the other party’s home leaves the door open for a lot to go wrong really fast. Just ask Cardi B, who would take advantage of men when they took her home on a date to steal from them and admitted this on camera.
Now, for bars, there might be good reason not to go. But a date where both parties buy a drink and go for a walk? What’s wrong with that? The guy can buy a beer and the girl can have a soda pop or something. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of date, and don’t get me started on “no dates in an iHOP.” Just because it’s not high class or expensive, that doesn’t make it a bad date locale.
Same for a long drive, or a long walk, or even a trip to the local library if you and your date are the type to want some quiet and at least a little privacy. Make it look like you’re talking about books (which you might) and roll with whatever else comes up in your conversations.
While I am coming at this from a writer’s perspective, part of the reason I do so is those “coffee date” fanfics and romances I mentioned above. They are very popular not only in fan fiction, but in romance fiction. What does the woman making this list on Facebook read in the way of romance fiction? She has literally alienated a large swath of women with this list AND the men who might be interested in those women. This sub-type of storytelling would not be such a “hot seller” if there were no women interested in coffee dates!
On its face, this makes the woman’s inclusion of coffee dates, Starbucks, and practically any other place that sells coffee on a list of taboo date locations absurd. Large numbers of her own sex prefer those types of dates and stories about dates that occur there. And she thinks she can just wave it away with a little Facebook list? Um, no? That’s not how this works. At all.
There are only a few places or situations on this list that would actually be no-gos for both sexes on a date. The rest are all negotiable. A long walk or a long drive might not be safe in certain areas or for a first date, but they aren’t completely taboo, either. Not if you know the prospective date well enough that such an event would be likely to be safe.
A McDonald’s is a fine place for a first date. So is a movie, drive-in (if you can find it) or not, even if it is at the “cheap” theater. I added libraries to the list because I like them, and I will say a bookstore is another good option. Pretty much anywhere you and your date would like to go by mutual agreement that puts yourselves and your dates at as little risk as possible is a good location for a date.
But the next time you see a list like this making the rounds, please, take a step back and double-check reality. In this case, I used fanfic and the romance genre as a partial reality check because I happen to know LOTS of writers and readers like coffee shop settings. So the inclusion of a “coffee date” as a bad first date made me screech to a halt on this ridiculous list. Otherwise I might have been willing to simply sit back and let Miss Cooper lampoon it. I know many people like coffee date fiction and fan fiction to believe that anyone putting it on a list of taboo first date options deserves to be taken seriously.
The addition of coffee dates on this list tells me that the list writer is tone-deaf to her own sex to such a degree it isn’t funny, it’s horrifying. She is literally telling her own sex - who will read stories set in coffee shops in a hot second - that they are being stupid and shallow for (a) reading such stories and (b) going on a coffee date. It’s not quite on par with telling women around the world to give up chocolate because eating it makes them look low-brow, but it comes close.
(No, I do not give anyone trying to get women to stop eating chocolate because it is “so bourgeoisie” great odds, either. You will get us to give up shoes sooner than you will convince us to surrender our chocolate en masse.)
Do not even get me started on the video which Miss Cooper also lampoons with the woman saying that because she spends hundreds of dollars on her makeup, the man asking her out owes her dinner at an expensive restaurant. If she believes that, then she should just charge him a flat rate for her company, period. There is no point at which a date requires that the man pay for a costly dinner because the woman he is treating spends hundreds tarting herself up. Dates are supposed to be events that allow a couple to feel one another out so they can see whether they are compatible enough to make a life together work - possibly with children - and work out well for those prospective children. The woman in the video is not looking for a date, she is looking for something else entirely.
Final word: Guys, watch out for the women who say they want a date but actually want you to pay for a fancy dinner. Girls, be reasonable: if the guy asks you on a date and suggests a movie, coffee, or a trip to the local barbecue joint, then go have fun. And if you had enough fun together, further dates and a serious talk might be in order.
Be reasonable. Have fun. Don’t let jerkettes like the one in the video and the one who wrote that idiotic list spoil your good time. Who knows? You just might find you have had…
There is a meme that's supposedly a guy talking about how he takes his dates to an all you can eat rib joint and will propose to the one that beats him in eating ribs, and she will be the queen whom he serves and he shall lay down kingdoms at the feet of her rib-stack.
Then a comment to the effect that this was written by an orc.
Then another that says by an orc who knows how to treat a lady. :D
... point being, it's a really cute date idea that is charming in and of itself.
(My first date with my now husband? Japanese version of a Denny's. First kiss? Computer and internet place that had a ramen cafe in it. Our house is full of kids, so it clearly works.)
I once read a webcomic with sage dating advice, albeit aimed at teens.
For your first date, you don't want to go somewhere where you have to keep up the discussion all the time, like a restaurant.
You also don't want to go somewhere where you can't talk, like a movie.
The character recommended something like a zoo or a fair, where, if there is an awkward lull, you can go on to the next thing, but still talk.